This picture pretty much sums up my baseline feeling over the past few weeks. A friend snapped this photo of me as I was setting a new route through the arch. He was cackling along with a few others as I grunted my way up with my drill, self-belaying with a grigri, talking to myself and clearly hot, sweaty and frustrated. The cackling came in when for the second time in a matter of a few minutes I climbed past my bucket full of tools and holds only to have to down climb and do it all over again. Hence the frustration.
I was staring at this picture again today laughing at myself reaching out for my bucket… clearly with no way to reach it. The moves had to be done again. The sometimes sketch-balls insecure self-belaying shenanigans repeated once again. What struck me at the time was how this situation reflected exactly what I was feeling. Tired and frustrated yes… but on a much deeper level this unsettled sense that I was moving through my days unclear and not feeling fully resourced… without my tools… without my connection to Source and my empowered self. That shit is frustrating. You know it is. Knowing you are an empowered aware individual yet feeling all weak and pissy… thinking you are un-appreciated by everyone… Say hello to the victim and the critic.
It’s no coincidence I climbed past that bucket at three separate times while setting that route. I was so focused on getting the damn thing finished that I kept moving without first looking around, being clear with where I was going and what I needed to ensure I could continue to create when I got there.
I am definitely getting the hit that I am beginning something new. I think that is why my attitude could seem to need a little adjusting lately. And this little comedic routesetting act was just a subtle sweaty reminder to remember to create the path before me with clarity and purpose. Move thoughtfully through my projects and let the frustration be a cue that I am off route. Some part of me has been feeling left behind and out of reach. Lesson learned: If I am not moving from my totality then really I am just creating a whole lotta extra work for myself. Amen!
The route ended up being right on target for the grade and the style that I was going for. (Dynamic-tech at 5.10D, blue, FEA anchors in case you want to jump on it.) I chuckled again later as I was stumped by my own intended “beta”… Climbing your own routes can be really hilarious and often very humbling…
I named the route: I approve… And that’s all that really matters. Cuz in the end that’s all that does.